TNS GRANNY’S BLUNT TALK -WHAT IF PRINCESS SNORES

I have come again o! I hope you enjoyed our last discuss.  Please pray for me that this large tap mouth will not put me in trouble but because we must tell the truth all the time it can’t stop running.

Anyway, last week was beautiful as I had to visit a lot of places one of which landed me in a wedding ceremony. There I was surprised to see the groom was as fat as an elephant with belly like hippopotamus and the bride like a needle. Not too surprising was the fact that the oga`s nose was as large as an NNPC oil pipe. I could not breathe and got so confused that a swarm of fly almost flew into my open mouth. From where I was I could feel the breathing of the husband. It was as if one of those giant fans was blowing me. Then I started to pity the very thin wife to be. It`s because I imagined the kind of snores that will come out of the fatty bombom`s nose when they are sleeping. May be the tinny wife may buy a snore gauge or snoring-muffs or earmuffs to block her husband`s Boko Haram bombs at night.

Then my pity -pity mind went back to the yeye story the stupid man who called himself husband to my lady Princess gave to divorce her. I heard that after she got married to her Casanova beau, Adesola, who amebo like me say had married Princess for her money and fame; he complained that her snoring was killing him. Hmm! Na wao o! That is life for you!

 Haba! Didn`t he know that before? Is our Casanova in-law just telling us that they didn’t date at all or for crying out loud, was it a blind date? Or dem wan tell me say dey never sleep together before dem marry or dem two na deeper life people?

Basically, most endowed women like Princess snores; at least snoring like a crocodile is not a criminal offence. For they always have a natural breathing problem because of weight issues. What I may want to know is, was her snoring so bad and loud that he could not cope with her again, even for the love he professed to her? Tufiakwa! That is men for you. We fear them than the devil at times.

Tafia people went on to say that one of complains of Bobo Sola is that Princess was a little low on personal hygiene. No thanks to the stupid man, he was only trying to softly tell you that Princess is as dirty as a pig. God forbid! A man talking like that! Couldn’t he have kept his smelling mouth shut a little bit for decency sake that he must go on yanupata with no control?

Anyway, who even asked busy body man to spread his dirty linen in the market place? In case he has forgotten let me tell him that not all clothes washed, are hung outside on the rail. One thing I know is that when they started we were not there. For that he should have kept the matter to himself and Princess. Let women beware!

However the council of gossips says that Adesola who had thought his new wife was a goldmine could not meet up with Princess` high profile lifestyle and monetary demands. Monetarily, Sola was the wife while Princess was the husband.  That was the reason the table turned, music remixed soon after the marriage. Then it was revealed that Princess demanded for housekeeping ( women no be house girls na ) , a shocker to the gold digger who had all along enjoyed free Mr. Biggs` Burgers and Akerele suya at every visit. The play boy must be among those women seekers that forgets Stout is bitter and Suya full of pepper so long as they are not the ones paying the bills. Awuf dem say no dey pain belle but fit purge o!

Or how soon did he suddenly regain his sight to know that Princess was no longer good for him. Is it that he has found another gullible woman he could milk better?

The Agbero also told those he thought were fools like him that he was in a trance all through the minutes the marriage lasted, as if charmed by Lagos Bar Beach juju!! That he was not prepared for the union he vacated after a few months of deceiving his maga, Princess to the altar. That is why marriage officiating priests should be prophets to discern the deceitful hearts of these joker- men before they are allowed to marry our ladies! Now Princess must have found out that marriage is different from courtship.

Meanwhile my worry is that if wayo and cunning man, Adesola could complain of Princess snoring what does he want that thin pitiable bride to do with her voluminous groom whose breathe alone can fall down the Walls of Jericho? 

A word is enough for the wise; let my daughters thoroughly sift the grains of true men from the chaff of unholy playboys before they concede to their demonic love advances. For if the story of Princess is not good enough a lesson for them, the whole Books of the Bible may never be of help to them. These are the words of a caring granny! Or do you think I am not fair in my judgment?